You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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