Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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