4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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