he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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