dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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