I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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