i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
