i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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