There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
