I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
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I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
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I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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