and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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