im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My life is pants optional.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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