whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
