He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
