I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever