she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
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I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.