Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND