man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
