This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
