I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
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You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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