This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
