I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?