I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
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And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
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Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.