Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Can I ask u a weird question?
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway