What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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