...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
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I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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