just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
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I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
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He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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