i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
