I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
