I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
