So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
