Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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