god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
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Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
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My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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