DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you didnt know i had herpes?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?