Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize