At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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