you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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