So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
