I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
