3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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