he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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