Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
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just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I can't put those talents on a resume
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He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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