I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize