Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
