I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
