he puts the penis in happiness.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize