i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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