My hair reeks of homosexuality.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
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Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
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Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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