with your own penis?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
