i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
