he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
