I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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