So drunk, too bad you don't want this
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
