idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
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If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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